Controlling One's Urges...

I guess I am aware of this problem of mine. But sometimes I really am in need of a good reminder. I am grateful but the guilt trip I'm going through now is unbelievable. I shall turn to Him for help to get over this problem of mine...

The Unproductive Week...

I'm sitting at my desk enjoying my brewed cappucino with cocoa which I'm starting to develop a taste for. The week seems to be dragging on its heels. I stare at the digital clock sitting on my desk and literally count the seconds tick by.

The many conversations around my desk quietly fades into background noise. The shuffling of feet from constant human traffic fails to distract me from my stupor. I consider taking a walk around the office but the feeling of lazyness is too compelling.

Just last week, I was swamped with assignments. This week seems a huge contrast with absolutely nothing to do to fill up my time. I force myself to read through the thick pile of documentation sitting on my desk but find my attention waning as the sense of urgency is just not there.

I spot my boss coming out of his meeting. I make up mind to approach him later to see whether there is any projects that I can assist with. Hopefully, the rest of the week will be more productive...

The Unexpected Realization...

Way back when during my secondary school days, I confess to be addicted to Computer Games. I would have no problems spending hours on end sitting in front of my PC clicking aimlessly to win that next mission, or kill that next opponent.

However during my college years, my desire to play PC games had more or less waned and once I started work, it pretty much stopped completely due to lack of time.

It was quite a surprise to me when she mentioned that she used to play RTS PC Games once upon a time and also professed to be an avid gamer as well. At that time, it was mentioned in passing and I did not really take too much notice of it.

It was not until a few weeks ago, when we were going through her CD collection that I did see copies of classic PC Games that she had. Since we didnt really have anything planned, we spent the day reliving our memories of playing those old games. I had fun but little did I know that was only the beginning of things to come.

She also mentioned that she used to play those games in multiplayer mode as well which resulted in me suggesting that we could play together via a local network. She seemed quite excited by the prospect of battling it out evidenced by the twinkle in her eye.

The following week we eagerly tried to setup a local network game only to discover that particular game was so old that local multiplayer connectivity simply wasn't supported. We were both sorely disappointed. But the mere idea of setting up a local network prompted me to suggest other games that I knew would definitely work.

The very next day, we trotted off to our local PC games distributor that shall remain anonymous for their safety ;) After deciding on our choices, we sped back home eager to try out some of our new purchases. Needless to say, she and I were hooked from then on.

Yesterday, I think we went slightly overboard to the extent of skipping our meals to remain glued to the PC screens for the whole day. We had expanded our gaming portfolio to several other choices that I had experience with before and spent literally the entire day dueling it out in our new found activity.

I remember thinking later that night, how much I miss playing multiplayer games and who better to play them with than the person I want to spend all my time around. I'm so happy that we share similar interests in this regard as well as so many others.

Nobody is more right for me, hunneh =)

A Day Of Surprises...

She constantly refused to divulge even a single scrap of information despite my pleading. She insisted on keeping all her plans to herself much to my amusement. In the end, I decided to just enjoy the day in her company.

The day started off with some delay as is the usual according to Mr Murphy. Nevertheless, we found ourselves speeding along the highway towards our destination shortly after 10am. She was dressed in her new fashion style looking gorgeous as usual. I took an extra moment to soak in the sexy visage next to me which I can't seem to get enough of.

Midway, I casually asked whether she knew how to get to our mysterious destination and she confessed she wasn't too familiar with the roads in the city. The frustration in her face betrayed her contemplation on how much information to reveal to me so that I would be able to give her directions while her still holding on to the surprise just a little longer.

As we got closer, I tried to guess our lunch location but my attempts were plainly met with deafening silence. The suspense became quite unbearable and I distracted myself with the many trinkets decorating her car. It wasn't until we were within sight of our destination that it became obvious where she was taking me.

I initially tried to talk her out of it citing the enormous cost but her stubborn streak prevailed, so I decided to fully enjoy the experience instead. Having been there once before, I gave her an initial tour highlighting certain delicacies that must not be missed before we started our most delicous feast. We spent a great deal of time trying the exotic dishes, relishing in the ambience and simply enjoying each other's company.

I was again struck by how much I love her and how she makes me feel. Everything just feels right when i'm with her.

After lunch, she declared we needed to rush to our next destination, yet again another surprise she had planned for me. On the way there, we met with a horrendous traffic jam resulting in her getting quite nervous. She even received a phone call regarding confirmation for an appointment which further fueled my curiosity. My mind struggled to reveal the secret of our next destination but met with a brick wall instead.

When I was being led up the escalator from the carpark, I glanced upon an advertisement that gave me a clue of what she could be planning. But at that time, I dismissed it not thinking that was exactly what she had in mind. I had some initial doubts due to me not being very comfortable with the idea but relented after much persuasion from her.

As it turned out, I enjoyed the experience greatly and as I stepped out to greet her, I was struck again by how beautiful she looked. I'm sure a smile was plastered on my face as I sat down beside her to enjoy a cup of tea. She seemed slightly impatient and the reason became clear as she yet again dragged me towards the nearby cinema.

Recalling one of our earlier conversations in the week, I asked whether we were watching the latest movie installment of one of the more popular series. She confirmed my suspicions with a wry smile as she produced the movie tickets out of her bag and handed it to the movie usher. During the movie, I couldn't help by steal occasional glances at her noting how intently she was staring at the screen before I returned my attention to the latest adventures of the famous boy wizard.

Stepping out from the movie theater, she finally declared her planned activities for the day was at an end. She could finally relax and enjoy the rest of the day with me. We spent some time adding to our rather huge photographic collection as I stored permanent memories of this day in my shiny camera.

The day was drawing to a close and I suggested dinner nearby. As it turned out, the dinner place was a hive of activity with busy diners seeking to fill their tummies. Despite that, she still managed to procure a cake for me and recorded our customary birthday video. Being still full from lunch, I further stuffed myself during dinner after being extremely tempted by the sinful looking dessert.

She finally stopped me from finishing the huge dessert and putting on a further 1000 calories to which I was very grateful. Soon after, we adjourned to my house where she caught forty weeks after being exhausted after the long tiring but extremely memorable day.

A fitting end to a day of surprises...

I Love You, Baby!

The End Of An Era...

After more than 5 years of employment, it is finally time for me to move on. I take with me many learning experiences and happy memories. Here's to the next step in my career. =)

Deciding Whats Best For Your Loved Ones…

I have heard many instances where parents exert their authority over the children to the extent of deciding every single detail of their children’s lives from eating habits to career choices. I myself am not spared from being influenced by my parent’s advice as to how to live my life.

Since my younger years, I have detested their intrusion into my life as I perceived it as they were undermining my freedom to live my life the way I see fit. Nevertheless, I was never the rebellious one preferring to keep peace and harmony in the family by bowing to their decisions.

However, as I grew into adulthood, I began to see the benefits from learning from other people’s experiences. I started to realize why my parents forced me to obey them even though I did not understand the rationale behind their instructions. It saved me from making many of my own mistakes which would cause me a lot of misery and pain.

As for now, the situation is clearly different, I am now in my mid 20’s and I consider myself independent and mature enough to make many of my own decisions. If I do make any mistakes at this point, I would have to take full responsibility for them and suffer the consequences. My parents too seemed to have gradually begun to respect my capability for decision making and often leave me to my own devices.

I guess I can understand why my parents felt the need to control aspects of my life in my younger years. They were simply doing what’s best for me as they see fit. I’m grateful that over the years they have come to trust me and respect my own decisions allowing me to learn from my own mistakes in the end making me a better person.

Lately, I seem to be experiencing the same feelings of wanting to decide what’s best for my loved ones. It frustrates me that people I care about sometimes may not heed my self-perceived obviously superior advice.

But nevertheless, I try my best not to interfere especially when I know my advice would not be entirely welcome. Perhaps it’s simply human nature to want to protect your loved ones by helping them avoid mistakes and problems.

Or perhaps we’ll be doing them an even bigger favour by letting them make their own decisions and if they fail, rush forward to support them allowing them to better learn from their mistakes without any disastrous consequences.

A definite balance has to be struck and I’m still perplexed as to how to handle this situation in the future when it will concern my own children. Hopefully then, I can keep an open mind and listen to all sides of the story without prejudice.

A Life Without Goals ...

Why is it that every time I make a conscious effort to revive my blog, the motivation dies out within 1 or 2 posts? =) Anyway, here's hoping the 249038524th time will be the charm =)

--@--

Some events that occurred in my life lately that got me thinking about how important goals are in our lives. Without something to work towards, our lives lose meaning and everyday becomes a boring mundane repetitive experience that we will eventually dread.

A friend of mine recently expressed to me how empty his life felt. He feels his life is so meaningless, so boring without anything to look to forward to. This strikes me as being very strange as he is the same age as me and I have plenty to look forward to.

Right now, I'm in the midst of saving up for marriage (which as it turns out, costs a bomb!) as well for housing renovation and my dream car =) Not to mention I'm really looking forward to completing my MBA course and to the new challenges and experiences with my new upcoming job that will begin in July.

With all these happenings going on, my life seems so enriched and I hardly ever have a dull moment. In fact, I hardly have a chance to take a breather before being thrown in the next challenge or crisis.

That being said, my life is certainly not without goals especially my ultimate goal in life which is to provide a comfortable environment to raise my family in and to give them all the happiness they deserve. =)

Happy 1st Anniversary!!!

Happy Valentines Day ???

Its that time of the year again, boys and girls. Where lovebirds are pressured into spending lavish amounts of hard earned moolah on their partners based on an idea that its extra special to do so on this particular day in a year while the businessmen laugh all the way to the bank.

Hmm, looks like I seemed to have dropped more than a few hints about how I feel about Valentines Day =) Well, in actual fact I seem to be in a constant inner battle regarding V-Day celebrations. My inner practical side scoffs at paying hugely inflated prices for flowers, chocolates and a romantic meal on this particular day while my another part of me is thinking about following the crowd celebrating coupledom with my significant other.

This year, it is my wallet that makes the decision. Hence, no big plans have been made for today or at least have not been made yet ;) Sometimes, I do well at last minute decision making. =)

Looking at the coverage that V-Day has been getting in, I notice that this year especially there are equally positive and negative sentiments about Valentines Day. I've never knew that the 14th of February was also celebrated as Singles-Awareness-Day (SAD). It seems more ironic than anything, celebrating such a day when all the couples around are together making singles definitely more aware of their singlehood.

Perhaps its not meant to be interpreted that way. Maybe its supposed to be viewed as singles empowering themselves to realize that they too can enjoy Valentines Day with friends and family. Well, the whole point is rather moot to me as I know whom I'll be spending my V-Day with =)

My Lonesome Lunch...

The other day, I had the unique opportunity to go for lunch alone as my colleagues who I normally lunch with were either traveling or not available. It was one of those slow days at work so I took a long leisurely stroll to an out of the place chinese eatery about 10 minutes walk from my office.

Due to the absence of typical conversation between my colleagues and myself, I was able to fully concentrate on soaking in the urban scene playing out before me during my walk. There were foreign tourists sporting backpacks and cameras, office workers walking at a brisk pace presumably not to waste time as well as shopkeepers peddling their wares to each passerby among others.

At the same time, there was an ongoing internal debate as to what to consume for lunch this particular afternoon. I was quite spoilt by the variety of food available. Typically, it would be my colleagues that decide upon the place while I tag along preferring to utilize my brainpower for other matters. =)

After much contention, I settled on a eatery that I seldom frequent just for the sake of novelty. The queue was significant indicating that it was a rather popular eatery and I was satisfied upon glancing at the wide variety of dishes available for selection.

Holding my steaming plate of rice, I navigated the queue while scooping generous portions of steamed fish and boiled vegetables which were still piping hot. When queuing up to pay, a most tempting smell wafted up to assault my nostrils. I turned to look immediately recognizing one of my favourite dishes. However, the brief desire was instantly replaced by a stern reminder which is still playing repeatedly in my head.

Regardless, lunch was still very satisfying and I left the eatery feel very satiated.

Let Me Be Me...

It is my own personal opinion that people can only be truly happy when when they have the ability to totally be themselves. It is inevitable that throughout your life, each of us will be pressured by various forces in the form of the family, relatives, friends and even the significant other to conform to something that they are not.

At many a time, it is just so much easier to bow down to the pressure and just become someone else, to appease everyone else around you. But at what cost? I have learned from personal experience that perhaps in the short term, you can live with it. But as the days go by, you start feeling more and more repressed.

From these feelings, resentment starts to grow maturing into large clouds of anger and hatred until one fine day, everything doesn't make sense anymore. You look in the mirror and don't even recognize the person staring back at you.

I envy people who have found themselves. People who know who they are. What they want in life, what makes them happy as well as what makes them miserable. I'm working towards achieving that, to one day reach that plateau of being able to be truly happy in being one's self without the need to feel guilty or fear due to non-conformance to society's expectations.

--@--

Random thought:

I remember last year when I was in washroom at SEATAC airport in Seattle, Washington. After finishing my 'business', I observed a particularly attractive toilet roll holder which had a most blatant label of "Made In USA".

I was thinking to myself, "What kind of developer would spend so much money to import this from the United States?" Then, it struck me that I WAS in US and it was infact made locally. 'O.O Such a blond moment indeed. =)

Weee...100th Post!!!

Wow, it took me 6 months to reach 100 posts. As my thoughts are slowing to a trickle with the sudden inability to express myself through words, it will probably take another 6 months before I reach 150 posts. At any rate, I'm still doing better than 'someone' else ;)

--@--

Life has been rather hectic recently. Too many things happening at the same time leaving me hardly any room to breathe. Too many issues to address, too many problems to solve, too many things to ponder but to me, the change seems welcome.

I remember thinking just 365 days ago, how life seemed to become meaningless. How everyday was becoming more and more mundane. More and more repetitive without any variant at all. I was becoming increasingly unhappy. With each passing day, my zest for life seemed to be decreasing. I was slowly falling into a slump. I was becoming complacent. Something that I never wanted to become, not at this age anyway.

I can only thank Him for improving the circumstances in my life. I can only thank Him for giving me new reason to live life. I can only thank Him for renewing my vigor to improve myself and increase my quality of life. Most of all, I am so grateful that He has brought her into my life. =)

--@--

Gee, i really miss the therapeutic experience of expressing myself through my blog...

About Friends & Acquaintances

*Dusts huge cobwebs off this forgotten part of the Internet*

To the sole reader of this blog, "Sorry I haven't been updating, would you believe that I forget the address to my blog? ;D"

--@--

Its fascinating when your concepts of friendship proven wrong due to changes in ones life. What would have previously sufficed is no longer sufficient. It just goes to show what kind of friendship was there in the beginning. Perhaps they would be better classified as acquaintances?

If that were true, would it effectively mean that I have no friends? That is a most certainly a foreboding thought indeed.

Its An Official Hiatus...

To Whom It May Concern,

Due to my lack of mood to blog, I will hereby go on a indefinite hiatus in search for more issues to blog about. I will return when I am rejuvenated. Take care all =)

People From My Past...

A few doors away from my house, lived a family whose parents did not believe in the Malaysian education system. Instead of sending their children to school, they sought tutors for home schooling at a very young age. My mother which used to teach at the kindergarden would spend every morning at their house teaching them basic arithmetic and the alphabet.

Every day, after walking back from school, I would go to my neighbour's house and wait for my mom to finish her classes. While waiting for her, I would begin on my homework or play with some of the children that had already finished their classes for the day.

Because of this, I grew quite close to some of the children that my mother was teaching. It came to a point where I remember the children would cry if I did not take the time to play with them or at least greet them whenever I was over at their house. Mind you, due to the 8 year age gap, these children were only 3 or 4 years old at that time.

When I started secondary school, my mother decided to stop teaching and began to do company secretarial work. Hence, I slowly drifted apart from the children that I used to 'hang out' with every day after primary school.

Today, almost 13 years after my daily visits to their house, these children have all grown up to be teenagers and young adults. I sometimes see them with their boyfriends/girlfriends and our communication has degenerated into a small smile or in most cases, just a nod of the head.

Most would argue that my 25 years of age could still be classified as 'young' but nothing reminds me more of how old I am than my memories of these children as toddlers crying for my attention and now seeing them as teenagers and young adults who hardly recognize my existence anymore.

Contributing To The Community...

Call me lazy but I have never been one to volunteer for work besides the minimum of what was expected of me. During school days, I would be either studying or attending tuition (Nerd Gila!) instead of participating in extra-curricular activities in an office-bearer position like my more 'sociable' friends.

During my undergraduate college days, I would be among those who only came to college for classes and assignments not sticking around for any college organized activities. The cycle is repeating itself at my present postgraduate college life where I find myself avoiding invitations for college organized trips and formal dinners.

I guess the simplest reason behind my hesitance to undertake more responsibility is I felt that I had already enough responsibilities both at work and at home. I certainly did not need anymore 'unnecessary' stress in the form of actively organizing events as would be required if I held any position on the committee.

Looking back at my life, I wonder what exactly I missed out on...

My dad is the Vice-President of the local Residents Association. On top of that he is also the chief editor of the newsletter published by the Residents Association 3-4 times a year and has been in that position for almost 10 years already.

During the few weeks leading to the publication of each issue, he would stay up to the wee hours of the morning painstakingly compiling all the articles and advertorials for the newsletter. He also is personally responsible for printing of the newsletter as well as distribution to all the households in my local neighborhood.

More often that not, its a thankless job. Due to the non-profit nature of the Residents Association, financial reward should not be expected. Never mind that, the actual percentage of readership among the local residents is also extremely low. Most of the time, the newsletter would get thrown into the rubbish together with the junk mail.

Nevertheless, my dad still insists on upholding this responsibility of maintaining the newsletter. I have often found it peculiar that he would still persevere given the relatively low amount of positive feedback he has received.

Perhaps the reasoning behind him continuing to sacrifice his time and energy into this is the satisfaction of being able to contribute to the local community that my family has called home for the last 20 years. Or it could be pride in his desktop publishing skills believing that no one else could ever do the job as well as him. (No one else has ever volunteered, apparently)

Regardless, his involvement in the Residents Association does have its own share of perks. Due to his communication with the local businesses for advertising as well as his participation in the event organization, he is quite familiar with most of the local residents as well as the local authorities.

I wonder whether I'll ever be in a position where the local police officer greets me when I'm passing by or a shopkeeper waving at me upon seeing my car drive by.

Perhaps I too should start to make a contribution back to the community...

Communication In My Household...

My family consists of my parents, my younger sister and I. Due to work commitments and personal activities, even though we all live under the same roof, we hardly find time to spend with each other.

When I return from work, my sister would still be working late at the office which has now become a daily affair. I normally go out after dinner and when I return, I'm so tired that I head straight to bed to crash.

I have dinner with my dad as my mum would have already eaten earlier due to her having line dance sessions in the evening. Dinner with my dad will consist of us eating while watching the Chinese serials playing on the television without much conversation.

However, my family still successfully keeps in touch via the medium called the Internet =) Throughout the working day, my Dad, my sister and I will always be reachable via MSN Messenger keeping us in constant contact.

Occasionally, my mum would pop online to check her emails and chat with us if there is something to discuss. I have attended many family conferences that were held in the virtual world.

Thus, even though we may not have the opportunity to communicate much in person, we are able to utilize modern technology to talk to each other. I wonder how many other families can claim to do the same...

Moving On...Soon...

Another of my colleagues will be leaving today. I haven't really kept count but I must have at least atteneded 30 farewell lunches since I started working here around 4 and a half years ago. I look around and realise that 90% of my colleagues have joined after me. I only remember 2 faces that greeted me on my first day of work which are still around.

I wonder when my own farewell lunch will be... Leaving the company now is hardly a possibility as I have a ton of commitments as well as a postgraduate MBA course to finish. I also cannot afford to lose the luxury of not needing to travel as well as having a lighter workload which I currently enjoy at my present company.

Nevertheless, I'm still happy with my job. I consider myself earning an above-average salary as well as having the management recognize the effort I put into my job.

However, I know that there are still a lot of opportunities I want to explore. Having worked my way from a fresh graduate up to where I am now, I have experienced every single job scope that my company is able to offer. I long to venture out into the big bad world and gain new experiences to enrich my career.

For now, I will have to be content to wait until I finish my MBA and have less financial commitments to worry about before considering a change in career.

Falling Durians!!!

I was cleaning my huge chest of drawers yesterday when I happened to chance upon some FD certificates that I had totally forgotten about. I was jubilant thinking that I had stumbled upon cold hard cash!!! Thoughts started to form on how I would splurge my new found wealth on.

Then, it hit me. I already withdrew the money some time last year. Because I did it online, I was still in possession of the physical FD certificates although I was supposed to return them to the bank but still haven't gotten around to doing it yet. =P

Oh well, easy come, easy go...

The Long Walk...

It was an extra early morning for me due to a need for Dad to be in the office earlier than usual. Even the best laid plans go awry and we ended up leaving the house late...as usual...

In the interest of saving time, I suggested that he drop me off at the nearby LRT station where I could utilize the public transportation to head to my workplace.

Moments later, I walked up the steps leading to the station with a rather ominous feeling encapsulating me. I had heard some horror stories about jam packed trains and the long queues to board the train. It was still rather early so I surmised I would have enough time to wait for 2-3 trains thus almost guaranteeing a space to stand in the crowded train.

However, nothing could have prepared me for the sight that greeted me as I reached the top of the stairs. There were at least 12 queues in total with each queue having at least 15 people lining up. That came up to around 180 people waiting for the train!!!

"No problem", I thought. This must be an everyday occurrence. Since the past experiences shared by my colleagues and friends stated that the normal wait would be around 2-3 trains, i just meekly joined the queue. After all, I had already paid for my ticket.

At that moment, I felt extremely grateful to be blessed with a car of my own so as to avoid taking the public transport as an everyday necessity and only resorting to it when no other alternatives presented itself.

10 minutes later, the digital clock at the station flashed 8:41AM, 2 trains had come and gone, only successfully whisking away a grand total of 10 people from my queue.

I mentally calculated the amount of people left in the queue and taking into consideration that each train came at 4 minute intervals and each could only allow 5 passengers to board, I came to the conclusion that it would take me at least another 25 minutes to get a train!

Evaluating my options, I decided to quit the queue and take the long walk to my workplace instead. Doing one more quick recount to ensure that this was indeed the best option, I turned around and gave the bored looking Indian man behind me a quick shrug before heading towards the stairs yet again.

The Indian man smiled back at me and returned my shrug probably telling me that he didn't have the luxury of being able to walk to his destination even though he knew that he would definitely end up being late on this day to wherever he was going.

As I walking down the stairs, I entertained the possibility of snapping a quick photo of the crowd to post up here but finally decided against it due to the throngs of people staring at me. You will just have to take my word for it and imagine the almost 200 person crowd waiting grudgingly for their train to arrive.

During my exit from the station, I inquired to the station attendant whether such a drastic queue was typical of the morning crowd. She shook her head violently replying that today was a most unusual day as the trains coming to the station were already packed making most of the normal commuters wait much longer than usual.

With the morning sun already causing beads of sweat to appear on my brow, I started walking towards my own destination. I was reminded of how much I lacked exercise when my legs started to ache after a mere 10 minutes of walking...

Luckily for me, due to my brisk pace that I was maintaining, I managed to reach my office in only 15 minutes. Taking a final glance at the LRT station in the distance which I just came from, I grinned to myself; glad that I made the correct decision to walk instead of continuing to wait.

I mouthed a silent prayer for the massive group of commuters probably still waiting for their train hoping that they would be able to get to their destinations soon as well.